omg. I tried to come to your website earlier and it said the page didn’t exist. almost lost my mind.

I know how you feel. After yesterday’s termination incident, I’ve taken out an insurance policy by creating a completely separate tumblr account called Kill Coke Talk where I’ve duplicated my various themes and general data structure, including Dear Coquette.

It’s sort of the blogging equivalent of a FEMA trailer, where if my original account is ever terminated permanently, I’ll be able to flip a few switches and at least have a digital roof over my head.

Hopefully I’ll never have to use it, but everyone should go ahead and follow Kill Coke Talk. If anything ever happens to my original account, that’s where you’ll be able to find me.

Thanks so much!

Stefan Molyneux, a Canadian philosopher, says that the reason there are so many assholes in this world is because women keep procreating with assholes. He says if women chose better men, the world would be a better place. I’m offended by this theory, and I’m amazed at the following he has garnered given that all his other ideas are whack too. I suck at arguing, and was wondering what you would have to say about a theory like that.

Please don’t give Stefan Molyneux credibility by calling him a philosopher. He’s more of a wannabe cult leader, a sort of fraudulent pseudo-philosopher with poisonous ideas for weak-minded libertarian narcissists.

Of course, Molyneux’s ideas are also violently misogynistic. In fact, I would classify a good portion of Molyneux’s rantings as overt hate speech. He’s a repulsive and angry little man who suffers from a particularly virulent strain of Nice Guy Syndrome, and his toxic ideas aren’t even worthy of a response.

If you’re in the mood for an impassioned rebuttal to Molyneax’s disgusting remarks, watch this YouTube video by Matt Binder and Michael Brooks.

Assholes have to come from somewhere. And its well known that American women, especially, have a preference for Alphas and Betas who, in our dog-eat-dog, laissez-faire socio-economic climate, are naturally and neccesarily Assholes. They in turn have kids that turn out to be, you guessed it, assholes. If women were to be less alpha-seeking there would in turn be fewer assholes. If they were to be more alpha-seeking there would in turn be more assholes. Direct correlation and causation. That “misogynist hate speech” Is true whether you like it or not.

You submitted this ignorant turd of a response twenty-three times in a row. Hell, you were still submitting it as I posted this. Do you have any idea how fucking creepy that is? Ugh. You’re a creepy creeping creep. Know that about yourself.

You’re also just plain wrong, and you don’t get to claim that your misogynistic point of view is well known. In fact, whenever you feel the self-satisfied urge to use the phrase “it’s well known,” just substitute the phrase “creeps believe” so that at least you’ll be telling the truth.

Now, as for what you creeps believe, please just stop. You’re wrong, not just on the face of things, but deep down to the core of your very being. You’re wrong at such a fundamental level, that even bothering to pick apart the wrongness of your conclusions is a waste of everyone’s fucking time.

Your argument is a jumble of failed logic and self-righteous frustration that hinges on the ridiculous notion that being an asshole is some kind of hereditary taxonomic distinction. It’s not.

For instance, you’re an asshole. Where did you come from? Is it because your mother had a preference for alphas? (Alpha and beta are ethological terms that none of you idiots ever use properly, by the way.) No, you’re not an asshole because your mother has a preference for alphas. That’s insane. You’re an asshole because you walk around with a sense of entitlement with regard to women, and when women don’t treat you how you feel you deserve to be treated, you blame everyone except the loser in the mirror.

You wanna know where real assholes come from? Real assholes are the end result of misogynistic belief systems like the one you so desperately need to be true. Real assholes are the ones who think they’re the put-upon “nice guys” who never realize how fundamentally disrespectful they are to women. Real assholes listen to the absurd rantings of uber-assholes like Stefan Molyneux and then use his angry shit-stack of pseudo-sociological nonsense to try and justify all their simmering narcissistic rage.

You, sir, are a real asshole.

I just graduated from a top college with no debt, a bit of money saved, no boyfriend, and no ties to any city. What would you do?
Have a cookie, and then go get a fucking job.

Is it wrong or inappropriate of me to ask someone I’m dating to get an std check before having sex with them?
There’s nothing wrong with asking, but it does require some tact.

It seems that the general consensus is that if someone cheats on you, they don’t love you. But isn’t the real problem that they don’t respect you?
You’re assuming that the cheating has anything to do with you in the first place. It might, of course, but the real problem with cheaters isn’t in whether they love or respect you. The real problem is in the fact that they are untrustworthy and don’t have any integrity.

What’s your favorite Bible passage to roll up in a quick joint?
Revelation 18:9, although pretty much anything from Revelations will do.

I feel fairly certain my boyfriend is fucking his male best friend. I know it sounds crazy… which is why I really can’t say it out loud. What do I do?
It doesn’t sound crazy. Gather what evidence you have, and calmly ask him whether he’s ever had any sexual contact with his friend. Regardless of the answer, be prepared for your relationship to end.

In your post “On black market economics,” you said that “you write with an Australian accent. I can almost hear this guy mansplaining.” Just curious to know if you think that Australian men mansplain more than others. This is coming from an Australian woman, concerned that she’s tolerating more mansplaining than she should because she’s normalised so much of it.
I’m not sure whether Australian men mansplain more, but drunk men certainly do, so that’s probably the correlation.

What is it about Burning Man that makes me so fucking angry?
I dunno. Maybe it’s the fundamental bourgeois hypocrisy of all that privileged self-indulgence. Maybe it’s the insufferable faux-counterculture aesthetic. Then again, maybe you’re just angry because you don’t understand it. Maybe you should find a way to go next year. Maybe you’ll figure it all out on the Playa.

My boyfriend of a 7 year rocky relationship has given me a horrible ultimatum. He is choosing to not accompany me to a concert for financial, transportation and probably personality issues. If I choose to go without him, he moves out. What do I do?

This isn’t a real ultimatum, because the relationship is already over. It ended some time ago, but neither of you are ready to formally acknowledge it yet.

He’s too much of a pussy to just break up with you, and this lame attempt at manipulation is his way of trying to force your hand.

This isn’t about some stupid concert. Fuck that shit. It doesn’t matter whether you go, but whatever else happens, know that it’s over and that your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend should start moving out right away.

Some advice: if you fuck on the first-date, he probably won’t come back for a second. If the sex was hot and he does come back enjoy becoming fuck-buddies, because by fucking on the first-date, you’ve essentially told him by your actions: “I’m easy and definitely not the type of girl you’ll be wanting to take-home or marry, because anyone who I find attractive and who picks up the bill, I’ll let fuck me.”

I’m glad that you read my twitter, and I can appreciate the brass balls it takes to offer someone like me unsolicited advice, but honey, not only are you in way over your head, you’re also wrong about life.

I fuck who I fuck when I fuck because I wanna fuck, and I don’t give a flying fuck whether the people I fuck think I’m the marrying type. That doesn’t make me easy. That makes me hard.

I am the one in command of my own sexual virtue. I am the one who defines that virtue. No one else gets a say in it — not you, not the world, and certainly not some guy I allowed the privilege of fucking me on the first date.

Everything you believe to be true about sexual virtue is a tragic lie instilled in you by a misogynistic, patriarchal culture that is fundamentally terrified of female sexuality, and that bullshit needs to be systematically unlearned. I’d feel sorry for you if you weren’t making yourself part of the problem by spreading around this kind of ignorant, regressive poison.

Have you ever lost the hunger? You seem like someone who consumes everything and delights in it all. But have you ever lost it, for even a period of time? If so, how did you get it back? Is the hunger of discovery and experience something that can be taught or practiced without being born with it?

I lose the hunger all the time. Right now, for instance. August left my body sore and my soul polluted. I’m spiritually exhausted, and the strength it takes to recover borrows from the hunger.

It’s not all that unpleasant. It’s not much of anything really, a sort of constant state of anhedonia. Nothing tastes. Nothing touches. Words come out of me, but I don’t recognize them. I’m just here, making a bunch of gestures and signs, interacting with a world I can’t feel.

It’s okay, though. I’ve done this many times. I’m comfortable with the ebb and flow of my emotional well-being. It’s a delicate sine wave, the amplitude and frequency of which I’ve learned to observe from a distance without needing to control it in the moment.

I have enough perspective to recognize the balance. I know better than to course correct with chemicals or consumerism. I don’t wanna fuck up my curve, because I know the hunger comes back.

It’s not up to me, but it always comes back. The trick is in giving up that control, in fully accepting that it’s not up to me, in knowing that nothing is or ever was up to me in the first place, and that it’s all gonna be okay, even if it’s not.

I’ll let you know when I’m hungry again.

Is it normal to be nervous about life?
Yes. (The trick isn’t to not be nervous. The trick is to not be normal.)

Long-distance love or local getting laid?
What is this “or” you speak of?

I need a watch as a status symbol (don’t judge, it’s a work thing). Any recommendations?
Recognize that you have no status, realign your priorities in life, and choose a watch that fits your personal style.

How can someone use drugs such as coke and molly recreationally without getting addicted to them?
How can someone use a swimming pool recreationally without drowning?

Do you want to have kids someday?
Not nearly as much as I want people to quit asking me this question.

Is accepting money for a green card marriage unamerican?
It’s illegal, but who gives a shit? Fuck the system and don’t get caught. That’s about as American as it gets.

Where is the line between having needs and being needy?
You cross the line from having needs into being needy the moment you start believing your needs are someone else’s responsibility.

Did you watch SNL’s season opener? Do you think it has finally starting to fall apart? It was so painful to watch.
Something was up with the technical direction of the show. The jokes were there, but the timing was consistently off by a fraction of a second, and it was enough to poison the comedy. Don’t worry. They’ll find the flow again.

What is some advice for someone who is single and in their mid 20’s, when it feels like everyone is getting married/moving in together etc?
Chill. What you’re noticing is the first iteration in what will become a pattern that repeats itself every few years. Some of the relationships will last. Most won’t, so don’t be in a rush to couple up, especially if it’s for no better reason than all your friends are doing it.

What’s worth fighting for?
Fighting is easy. Ask yourself what’s worth suffering for instead.

Do normal people exist? I don’t mean heteronormative people—just people who are emotionally stable, have no underlying neuroses, and aren’t secretly in a world of pain/self-doubt. Are those people real or are they a universally accepted fiction?

You’re not asking if normal people exist. You’re asking if happy people exist. The answer is yes, of course they do, but people aren’t static. Neither is pain and self-doubt.

Happiness (or normality or stability — whatever you want to call it) isn’t a permanent gift granted to a select and steady few. It may be found more easily for some than others, but it’s all still just a transitory phase.

Every emotional state, stable or otherwise, is impermanent. It’s all a shifting, flowing, ever-changing hot mess of pleasure and pain, neuroses and normative behavior. Happiness is fleeting, but then again, so is suffering.

Yes, there are plenty of people out there today who are emotionally stable with no underlying neuroses who aren’t secretly in a world of pain or self-doubt, but they weren’t all that way yesterday, and it won’t all be the same people tomorrow.

Your path to being among them is in recognizing that it’s not some country club that you get to join by virtue of any birthright or accomplishment. Happiness isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you discover, and it’s a discovery that can be stumbled upon again and again, depending largely on your ability to be mindful in the present moment.

I haven’t told the father of the fetus I’m carrying that I’m pregnant. I know he’ll pressure me to keep the thing and I can’t imagine how angry he’d be if I aborted it. Is that justification for not telling him? We’ve been friends for so long and I’d hate to lie to him, but I don’t want to have a baby.

You don’t want to have a baby. That’s it. That’s all. That’s the only thing that matters. You don’t have to tell him — now or ever — and there’s no need for any justification. This is your choice. Not his.

(You probably will tell him at some point in the future, but don’t worry about that right now. If he won’t support your decision, go do what you gotta do first. Your health and well-being are the only priority. His opinions on the matter don’t even make the list.)

Opinions of Sam Harris and Ben Affleck on Bill Maher the other night? Every time I see a comment in support of Ben Affleck a little part of my hope for the human race dies. Why was Ben Affleck on there at all? Waste of air!

Ben Affleck was there to promote his stubble… I mean, his latest movie… and to his credit, Ben is usually much more well informed and articulate than most of the Hollywood fameballs Bill Maher uses to round out his panel.

I like Ben, although I happen to disagree with his sanctimonious reaction to Bill’s overly simplistic characterization of Islam. Both of them should have shut the fuck up and let Sam Harris finish a goddamn sentence, because Sam was the only one bringing anything of substance to the table. Sam Harris made the most salient point of the show when he said the following:

"Liberals have really failed on the topic of theocracy. They’ll criticize white theocracy. They’ll criticize Christians. They’ll still get agitated over the abortion clinic bombing that happened in 1984, but when you want to talk about the treatment of women and homosexuals and free thinkers and public intellectuals in the Muslim world, I would argue that liberals have failed us, and the crucial point of confusion is that we have been sold this meme of Islamophobia, where criticism of the religion gets conflated with bigotry towards Muslims as people. It’s intellectually ridiculous."

The problem with Ben’s hostile response, however good his intentions, is that he immediately proved Sam’s entire point. By insinuating that Bill Maher and Sam Harris were racist bigots, Ben elegantly demonstrated exactly the kind of liberal failure Sam was describing.

Sam Harris was right. He is right. “We have to be able to criticize bad ideas,” he later said, and “Islam at this moment is the motherlode of bad ideas.”

Again, he’s right, and a solid line has to be drawn between rational criticism of contemporary Islamic theocracy and the kind of ignorant bigotry against Muslim people we too often see coming from the xenophobic Fox News contingent. It’s a huge distinction that Ben Affleck and all the people applauding him continually refuse to acknowledge.

Why do I have it in my head that if I’m not famous, recognized as an expert, or popular in my peer group, I haven’t lived an important life?
Because you’re a product of consumer capitalism steeped in celebrity culture.

Define normal, please.
Normal is just a median range, a statistical average, but in common usage the word is a culturally loaded modifier that contextually reinforces dominant ideologies (e.g., normal relationships, normal clothes, normal sex, or normal food.) The actual definition of “normal” is much less important than how you let it define your world.

I consider myself to be a hedonistic nihilist, but a friend insists that the two philosophies are not only incompatible, but are in fact polar opposites. What would you say?
Your friend must be confused. Existential nihilism and classical Epicurian hedonism are different schools of thought, but they go together quite nicely. They’re the philosophical equivalent of peanut butter and jelly. (Or peanut butter and chocolate, if that’s your pleasure. Not that it matters.)

Is there such a thing as casual heroin use?
There’s such a thing as experimental heroin use, perhaps even occasional heroin use, but the word casual implies drug use that is both controlled and non-problematic. Given heroin’s ridiculously high potential for physical dependence and the lifestyle typically associated with its users, I’d have to say that genuinely casual heroin use is a damn near impossible feat, especially over time, and even more so if needles are involved.

I am getting an abortion in a few days. Though I know it is the best decision, there are moments when I can’t breathe. Please, Coquette, I will take any words of wisdom you have.
The waiting is the hardest part, but everything will be okay. Moments of anxiety and apprehension are to be expected, and they’re perfectly understandable. Remember though, you didn’t just make the best decision. You made the right decision.

I just got out of a pretty serious relationship. Hurt, but ultimately OK. Problem: before the relationship, I enjoyed having casual sex with various people. It was awesome. Now, however, I find the vast majority of people fairly gross. How do I get past this and start having fun again?
Time. It just takes time. Your heart is still sore from breaking, but don’t worry, you’ll have fun again. (And for the record, the vast majority of people have always been fairly gross. You just have a selective memory from the last time you were single.)

Do you think you’ll ever be too old to be an L.A. party girl?
Definitely. The mid 2000’s were my peak party years. This decade is for slowing down with a very select group of friends. (I don’t mind getting older. I’m good at it, and I appreciate the perspective.)

Oh, fuck. If I know I like men and women, how do I decide who to settle down with in the end?

I know this question is just an expression of your immaturity, but it annoys the shit out of me when people frame bisexuality as a false dilemma between genders. It’s not.

Go fall in love. Go get your heart broken, and then go do it again. Find out what it takes to be in a long-term relationship regardless of either of your genders. Learn about yourself. Figure out the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live.

Go do all that shit, and when you’ve finally grown up a bit, when you’ve wrapped your head around the wonderfully messy and messed-up complexity of interpersonal relationships, when you’ve come to terms with how little control you actually have over your romantic destiny in the first place, maybe then you’ll realize how ridiculous it is to reduce major life decisions about potential life partners to something as ultimately inconsequential as “penis vs vagina.”

Anita Sarkeesian had to cancel a lecture at Utah State because some psychopath threatened to murder a bunch of people if she spoke because “feminists ruined his life” and other head-in-ass dribble like that. And apparently Utah’s open-carry policy prevented the police from doing firearm searches of the attendees. This is just so many levels of fucked up.

Actually, this is turning out to be a pretty great story, and Anita Sarkeesian is playing her hand beautifully.

Here’s the fucked up thing: Anita gets death threats all the time. As a woman trying to bring a feminist message into gamer culture, she’s a constant target for harassment, and she’s given any number of public lectures under threat of violence. What was different about today is Utah’s conceal-carry gun laws.

No matter how much USU or the police assured Sarkeesian of her safety, they still couldn’t prevent people from legally bringing concealed firearms to the venue, and after the overt threat of a mass shooting at the event, she was able to leverage her cancelation into a national story. It’s really quite impressive.

I’m glad that she canceled the event, and I’m glad that this story is getting so much attention. Up until today, only a handful of gamers and feminists even knew who Anita Sarkeesian was. This is going to elevate her profile to the national stage, freshly dipped in righteousness, with a galvanized message about how much we all need feminism in a culture so obviously steeped in misogynistic violence.

And the cowardly twerp who wrote the death threat? I’ll bet a thousand bucks right now that he’ll be spending the holidays (and likely the next few years) in federal prison. The FBI is damn good at finding little neckbearded fuckboys who think they know how to mask an IP address, especially when there’s the added pressure of national publicity.

It started out fucked-up, but I have a feeling this story will have a happy ending.

Why do I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy?
Because you hold false beliefs about the nature of happiness.

Do you think ebola will become a pandemic?
No. As much as it appeals to our secret desire to witness Armageddon, humanity isn’t gonna be decimated by some scary African uber-virus. Don’t worry. We’re all gonna die regular, boring vanilla-flavored deaths from either heart disease or cancer at some point in the next few decades.

Which is the repository of more bad ideas, christianity or islam?
It’s the same repository.

I generally don’t get along with people who wear bows in their hair.
I generally don’t get along with people who make spurious correlations about other people’s fashion accessories.

Do you think there’s really a difference between cheating and ethical non-monogamy?
Of course there is. Even you think so. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have felt the need to stick “ethical” in front of non-monogamy.

Is it normal for every girl to be convinced she’s pregnant after she loses her virginity?
Absent any legitimate concerns of potential pregnancy (broken condom, late period, etc.), that kind of reaction is usually an expression of religious guilt. It shouldn’t be normal, but I’m guessing you come from somewhere extra-Jesusy.

Is it morally sufficient to tolerate homosexuals?
Ew. What a gross question, and no, it is not morally sufficient to merely tolerate homosexuals. Your type of begrudging tolerance implies that there’s something wrong with being homosexual, and there’s not. Acceptance and inclusion without prejudice is the minimum requirement for moral sufficiency. If you can’t fully accept that there’s nothing wrong with being homosexual, then your beliefs still represent a moral failure.

I can’t break up with him because it’ll hurt him so much. I’ve never purposefully and knowingly caused someone that much pain.
You are not responsible for his emotional state. One more time for the cheap seats: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS EMOTIONAL STATE. You are being held hostage by your boyfriend’s fragility. That’s disgusting. If you want out of the relationship, get the fuck out. Don’t make his weakness yours.

What’s the difference between hope and expectation?
The difference between hope and expectation is the difference between gambling and taking a risk.

I recently discovered my boyfriend’s tinder account (I went snooping on his tablet after a friend tipped me off). He was messaging several girls, and met up with at least one at a party. I contacted her, she swears nothing happened, but they were texting and facebook messaging for a few days prior. He had the account for 2 weeks, and we’ve been fighting recently. He seems remorseful and accepted responsibility, but he also said tinder was “similar” to flirting at a bar. I don’t want to break up, but I feel backed into a corner. What do I do?

Break up with him.

I just had a debate with my boyfriend regarding the street harassment video you posted. His points were that it is the nature of men to let women know they find them attractive, how else are men supposed to approach a woman they find attractive?, and maybe if a woman doesn’t dress sexually she won’t be treated in a sexual manner. He also stated that maybe women should understand how the male mind works before we get upset about it. I was so fuming and disappointed that I couldn’t come up with an appropriate argument. Please help!

Break up with him.

I’m dead fucking serious. Break up with him, because this wasn’t a debate. This was him showing you his true nature. You deserve better. Every woman does.

Break up with him, and when he cries like a little punk, tell him that maybe he should understand how the female mind works before he gets upset about it.

When do I get to stop apologising for being white?
Fuck you and your bullshit apologies. You’re not a victim. You’re not put-upon. You’re just a snide, selfish little person who refuses to acknowledge your own privilege. Get over yourself.

Why do some people think that society is nicer to women?
Because some people can’t tell the difference between courtesy and condescension.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life and it’s really fucking scary.
Enjoy that fear. You’re lucky to have it.

Are there any genuinely happy rich people?
The fact that you don’t think the rich are genuinely happy means that the propaganda is working.

Why am I attracted to arrogant dudes?
Ask your dad.

I feel like everything I ever try fails while others barely need to lift a finger to succeed. In the same week I turned 26, lost my health insurance, and got the biggest rejection of my life. What am I supposed to do now?
Quit whining.

I’m dating a guy who is a selfish asshole 60% of the time and a genuinely enjoyable person 40% of the time. I’m not sure if I’m dating him because I like the 40% so much or because I’m scared of the turmoil dumping him will bring to my life.
You aren’t dating a guy. You’re being held emotionally hostage by a selfish asshole with mood swings. Big difference, kiddo.

Why do you answer all these dumb questions from girls who don’t have a backbone who should obviously break up with their boyfriends and/or stand up for themselves?
Because they ask, and I’m happy to provide a surrogate backbone long enough for them to feel what it’s like to stand up for themselves.

You are the anti-Cupid
That’s me. Just walkin’ around pulling arrows out of lovesick idiots.

You sound like a know-it-all. Get over yourself and learn how to be humble. There’s something bigger than you.

In the hopes of bringing you a small glimpse of self-awareness, the following is a direct translation from the conscious words you chose into the message your ego is actually communicating:

"It makes me uncomfortable that you sound smarter than me. I would feel better about myself if you would get in your place and learn how to be subservient. I need a higher power in my life because my world view is governed by fear of my own insignificance."

Hi Coke. I’ve been reading you since early 2013. Then, I was an almost-18 year old piece of shit. Now I’m a 19 year old piece of shit, albeit with about a year and a half’s worth of life experience under my belt.

As I’m sure you hope a reader would, I’ve started to approach you with a skeptical eye (I didn’t really for the first year). You aren’t the sole reason—or even the main reason—that I pursued sexual experience relentlessly and enthusiastically from Fall 2013 to Spring 2014—as if in the infinity of my orgasm I would uncover the illusion of my own ego, or some shit like that. I was an asshole to boyfriends, who didn’t understand why I so wanted to fuck other guys (read: fuck as many other guys as possible), and tried to make sure that my queue of partners met as many demographic criteria as possible, so that I’d be able to brag, “I’ve fucked a 38 year old; five different races; someone in public; a father of two.”

It took me a while, but I finally realized that I was in pursuit of the story—not spirit; coolness—not compassionate vulnerability. I was a libertine because libertines are cool. I could spit the feminist justification for my escapades—and my tireless pursuit of them—with rapid ease. I dropped my sexual achievements in passing whenever I could to seem more adult, and I’d exploit men trying to ensure that my list of achievements always expanded.

I blame a lack of attention from boys throughout adolescence, and what was probably an insidious insecurity about not being desirable for what I did this past year. You’re most certainly not at fault for that. But I suppose you lost some credibility for me when I realized that your advice often kept me on that track. Specifically, I think of your celebration of libertine values; your consistent dictum, “He’s not the first and he won’t be the last” (maybe true, but I really commodified men—and I cannot stress the verb ‘commodify’ more—abiding by this philosophy); and the overall lifestyle you seemed to espouse. But you know you sell cool: from the absurd manicures to the Hollywood parties to the men. You know you’re a brand. You never claimed to be otherwise.

I’m not a hater in any sense of the word—perhaps just a thoughtful critic. I still owe you a lot: I’m much less whiny than I used to be. I write this to you now because I’m curious if you have any thoughts on this sort of problem—not justification, since I doubt I’m telling you things you don’t know. This platform isn’t really conducive to a dialogue, so I don’t expect that. Just, what do you think?

I think you should keep writing. You’re good at it. Stay a thoughtful critic without burning out. Don’t allow your skepticism to decay into cynicism.

Right now you’re establishing an identity while testing the depth of your independence. Your womanhood is freshly weaponized. Sexual exploits are still a novelty. It sounds like you may have gotten distracted by a bit too much belt notching, but that’s perfectly understandable, especially considering you seem to have learned so much from it so quickly.

You’re deep in your first period of adult self-exploration. You’re developing your own real-world moral philosophy, and that’s a good thing. I don’t see you describing a problem here. At worst, you’re describing behavior that is problematic, but you’re already ahead of the game because you recognize it.

Think of this phase as a process of amending your own personal constitution. Let the past go, let yourself change, and get good at forgiving your former self. Refer back to this every few years and appreciate how far you’ve come and how full of shit both of us were.

Again, keep writing. You’re exactly the kind of person who should.