I read your “On Sowing Wild Oats Together”. I’m with someone I see forever with, which I know is a sweeping statement for a 20-year old. In this case, I’m the one who’s itching to sow some wild oats. I haven’t revealed these thoughts to my boyfriend but because of his relatively conservative nature, I’m afraid that he’ll think less of me and that I think less of him. I don’t think open relationships are his cup of tea and I don’t want to kindle a topic like this lest it continues to burn in the back of his mind. Additionally, I’m held back my selfish and cowardly fear that I’ll lose him, and that the other side isn’t so green. What should I do?

It’s not that the grass is all that much greener when you’re off sowing your wild oats. (It’s pretty much the same shade of green wherever you happen to be standing.) It’s that the other side of your particular fence has a lot more roses to stop and smell. More thorns, too.

Whether you’re sowing wild oats, gathering ye rosebuds, or just looking for some greener grass, there isn’t a clichéd gardening metaphor that’s going to help you figure this out. You’re twenty. Even if you’re willing to acknowledge your limited ability to conceive of forever, you still don’t know shit about the person you’re going to be in ten years.

Your problem isn’t that you’re missing your window to explore your sexuality with other partners. Your problem is that you’re still naive enough to think that this is your only window. It’s not.

Life is gonna fuck with you, kiddo. Your circumstances are going to change. So will you. I’m not saying it’ll be better or worse. I’m just saying it’s gonna be different in ways that you aren’t even capable of predicting. In other words, the forever you’re imagining with this guy is a fantasy.

Your heart is going to get broken one day. You may think that’s bad news, but it’s not. It’s all part of the experience. Hell, this guy you’re with right now might not even be the one who breaks it. Who the fuck knows? Point is, this isn’t gonna be your only relationship. You’ll end up sowing some wild oats. It might be a few years from now, but it’ll happen.

Just promise me in the meantime you won’t do anything stupid like get married (or worse, knocked up), especially if you’re in the kind of relationship where you can’t even be open with your partner about your sexual and emotional needs because you’re afraid of his “conservative nature.” That’s a recipe for a miserable fucking life.

My boyfriend says he loves me, but only wants to see me like once or twice (max) a week. We both have shit going on in our lives, so sometimes this just ends up being status quo, but it hurts me when he passes on proposed plans because we’d seen each other the day or two before. Am I being too needy? Should I just chill the fuck out and be happy that he wants to hang when he does?

Okay, stop. Let’s take a step back from what you think is the problem, and let’s attempt to reframe the way you think about pretty much everything.

First, let’s examine your phrasing: "Am I being too needy? Should I just chill the fuck out and be happy that he wants to hang out when he does?"

These questions typify how you think with regard to your relationship, and it’s not healthy. The implication is that your boyfriend’s behavior is both appropriate and inflexible, and that if your emotional needs aren’t being met, it’s because there’s inherently something wrong with you.

That’s a fucked up way to look at the world. Would it ever even occur to you to use phrasing like, "Is my boyfriend being too aloof? Should I just put my foot down and demand that he hang out with me more often?" I’m not suggesting that’s the best approach, but you need to hear what it sounds like to not be a doormat.

At the very least, you should start thinking in terms of mutual needs and compatibility. The question you should really be asking is, "Are my relationship needs compatible with his relationship needs?"

Maybe they are, and you guys just have a lot of shit going on right now. Maybe they aren’t, and the relationship is too low a priority for him. Either way, convenience and inertia can’t be the only reasons you’re sticking around. If you aren’t getting what you need, have the emotional maturity to ask for it, and if it’s not likely to change, have the self-respect to move the fuck on.

I’m horrified by Israel’s actions. I’m culturally Jewish, but I identify as an atheist, study Arabic literature at university, and can’t support Zionism. I’m surrounded by people who think I’m a “bad Jew” if/when I criticize Israel. What’s the politest way to tell them to fuck off?

Fuck being polite. Get loud and stay angry. Anyone who supports Israel’s crimes of apartheid (and more recently, genocide) against the Palestinian people is on the wrong side of history.

If you’re surrounded by hardline assholes who think you’re a “bad Jew” for criticizing Israel, then show them these horrifying war photos from Gaza. (Warning: they are extremely graphic. I’m not kidding. The images are gruesome, and they will fucking haunt you.)

Tell them that if being a “good Jew” means blindly supporting Israel’s murder of innocent civilians (many of whom are children), then you’re proud to be a “bad Jew.” Tell them that criticizing the State of Israel isn’t the same thing as criticizing the Nation of Israel, and tell them that it’s every citizen’s duty to protest the unjust actions of their government.

How do people really into BDSM go from slapping and blindfolding and belittling their partners to ‘ok we have to go grocery shopping now’… seems so awkward afterwards.
If things seem awkward afterwards, then you’re doing it wrong. (And by “it” I’m not referring to the sex, kinky or otherwise. I’m referring to clear and open communication with your partner.)

What is the difference between male ego and regular ego?
What’s the difference between a male human and a regular human?

Is love without the forever part worth it?
There is no forever part. Everything is temporary. What you’re really asking is whether love without the commitment part is worth it. I tend to think it is, but it won’t feel that way during the phase of inevitable heartbreak.

I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months. I think he’s pretty much perfect, but we haven’t said I love you. Is it odd he hasn’t said it yet or should I give him time and not rush him? Or should I just suck it up and tell him?
Why tell it to him when you can’t even tell it to yourself? You didn’t say, “I love him.” You said, “I think he’s pretty much perfect,” which is code for, “He meets all of my criteria, but I’m not really in love with him.” Sorry, babe. If you can’t even say it to yourself, saying it out loud won’t suddenly make it true.

My roommate expects me to treat her like a sick child while she’s hungover. She wants me to make her food, bring her juice, rub her head, etc. I feel like she brought the hangover on herself, so she should take care of herself the next day. Am I insensitive? Or is she an entitled brat?
Bitch can get her own juice.

You made a typo in that last post.
Thanks, but if you wanna be on my spellcheck patrol squad, you’re gonna have to include the title of the post and the specific error.

Aren’t you ever tired of pretending to care?
I may get exhausted from time to time, but I’m not pretending.

Tell me what to do.
Think for yourself.

My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. Besides the emotional turbulence, which I know will pass, I’m pretty sure rationally that I don’t have great chances of ever finding someone better for me.

Actually, that’s pretty much the opposite of rational.

Getting dumped sucks, and right now it’s perfectly understandable for you to feel like you’ll never find someone better. It may even seem like a logical conclusion, but it’s not.

The fault in your logic is that you aren’t going to stay the same person you are today. Yes, the emotional turbulence will pass, but more than that, you’re going to continue growing and changing, so it’s perfectly okay if you never find someone better for the person you are at the moment, because that’s not who you’re always going to be.

Whatever you do, don’t set this guy up in your mind to be “the one that got away.” He isn’t, and that’s not really a thing. That kind of thinking is just a bullshit excuse people use to let themselves stay emotionally paralyzed.

Keep your shit together, and start moving on, because the point isn’t to find someone better. The point is to be someone better, and if you do it for yourself, I promise that one day, you’ll look back on the boyfriend who you thought was perfect at the time, and all he’ll seem like is a quaint exercise in early love.

Regarding "On Someone Better" I, too, feel the same but I also doubt that I will change and grow all that much. I thought she was IT, the end of the line, the person to end all persons and dating for me. I have a hard time accepting she did find someone better and that her life is moving in a better direction [ again, rationally, she just has way more opportunities and prospects ]. Is there any flaw in this logic?

What logic? Your sad-sack bullshit is nothing but a string of excuses for wallowing in your own self-pity.

She wasn’t IT. There is no “person to end all persons.” She’s just some girl you fell in love with, and yeah, it hurts like hell when that kind of thing falls apart, but at some point you gotta get your shit together, dude.

There’s no such thing as soul mates. At best, we find a life partner or two, and this last girl isn’t gonna be one of yours. Another girl might be, but you gotta pull your head out of your ass and move the fuck on.

Also, relationships aren’t a zero-sum game. This shit isn’t a competition. She didn’t find someone better than you. She found someone better for her— in other words, someone with whom she is more compatible. That’s not a reflection on you unless you need it to be for all that wallowing you’re doing.

The only way to really fuck up your life is to let yourself stay emotionally paralyzed. Don’t be a fucking loser. Start moving on, and quit looking for reasons not to grow and change.

(Oh, and that shitty little voice in the back of your head that just whined, “moving on is easier said than done,” that’s the voice you need to start telling to shut the fuck up.)

Ugh. I never get upset about celebrity deaths. Why am I so upset about Robin Williams?
Because he was a father figure for our generation. That was his role as a celebrity, and it doesn’t matter that the emotions we feel for him are a product of popular culture — they are still very real, and it’s always devastating to lose a father.

I’ve never cried over a celebrity death before. I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal ideation my whole life and I guess it really just hit home. Don’t really have a question but fuck. Maybe I will get the help I need and he will have saved others who feel the same way.
It’s okay. You’re supposed to cry when you’re grieving.

Do you have a favorite Robin Williams role?
Mr. Keating in Dead Poets Society

I only met Robin Williams a few times (went to camp with his daughter) but he was one of the most kind, compassionate individuals I’ve ever had the good fortune to interact with. He was the kind of person who actually looked at you and saw you when you spoke, and cared about what you had to say, no matter how trivial. His death is hitting me hard even though the last time I saw him was years ago, and I know it probably is for everyone else too. The world lost a beautiful human today, and it breaks my heart to think of him living in so much pain for so long. I also recently read an article about David Foster Wallace, and grew up knowing the Hemingways and I watched my dad slowly kill himself with alcohol and…I don’t know. It seems like so many of these brilliant, tortured artists end up killing themselves, whether indirectly or outright. And I know it’s stupid, but I’ve felt the depths of despair and depression and I’ve felt the draw of suicide, and watching all of these exceptional people succumb to it….do you think maybe there’s something to it? Like maybe they know something we don’t? Or am I just being an asshole and romanticizing a chemical imbalance? Or that such highly sensitive people (as artists are wont to be) take in so much of the darkness around them that it becomes too much to bear? Sorry for rambling, I guess I’m just trying to make sense of this shitty situation where there is no sense at all to be had. It’s also my dad’s 4 year death anniversary tomorrow so I might be projecting, just a little. What are your feelings on suicide and depression? Do you have any light to shed?

I’ve answered plenty of questions about suicide and depression, and everyone is gonna be rushing to shed light on that shit for the next couple days. Honestly, I don’t feel like adding to the cacophony.

Robin Williams lived an outstanding life. He also lived a full life. However much pain he was in, I just hope he was at peace. I have to trust that he was ready, and in the end, the particulars of how he chose to make his exit aren’t any of our fucking business.

Heard a suspicious phone call between my girl and her old dope dealer. Conversation ended with “Hey I need to text you about that” I know she’s already relapsed, and she’s been sober less than three weeks, and she shoots it up and she’s like severely malnourished and sickly from how much she was doing. Good enough reason to look through her phone?

Maybe, but don’t think of it as a good enough reason to look through her phone. Think further ahead than that.

If you take those first steps and violate her privacy, then you have to be willing to follow through with a potentially relationship ending intervention.

Are you prepared to face the consequences? Because whatever turns up on her phone, this shit isn’t gonna end well. It’s either gonna confirm what you already know to be true, or it’s evidence that neither of you can trust one another in the first place.

You’re fucked either way, so you know, do what you gotta do to keep her safe right up until you’re done, and once you’re done, stay fucking done.

Is falling in love all about timing? Should it be the perfect timing like when both sides need to bound to someone and that hot smart partner you just met suddenly becomes a pure love?

Yes. Falling in love is equal parts chemistry and timing, but that’s not much of an insight. Hell, the entire fucking universe is equal parts chemistry and timing.

Still, don’t get too wrapped up in notions like “perfect timing” or “pure love.” That’s fairy-tale thinking, and it’s not how the world works.

Sure, serendipity exists, and it’s wonderful when it happens, but resist the urge to equate that kind of thing with magical ideas like destiny or fate rather than just the dumb fucking luck that it is.

please talk about mike brown. please.please bring light as to what’s happening in Ferguson.
Fuck.The.Police.

What do you mean by “Israel is a castled rook, and the Palestinians are pawns”?
Learn how to play chess, read a book on geopolitical strategy, and figure it out for yourself.

Why would anyone want to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than small fish in a big pond?
So as not to get eaten.

Am I an asshole for doing whatever it means for me to succeed, even if it means ripping out peoples’ throats if they get in my way?
Yes. In fact, you’re an asshole just for talking like that.

Your playlists don’t pause. Please add functionality.
Yes they do. The play button turns into a pause button and appears in the lower left of the album cover art during playback. Pay attention.

Your Robin Williams entry made me feel ill. “A father figure for our generation”? He acted in a few hollywood comedies that you watched; that’s the extent of the involvement he had in your life. Stop grasping at straws to turn a hollywood suicide into a way to make this about you.
Ew. You’re a gross little person. I hope you really did feel ill. I hope it was physically debilitating. I hope it ruined your whole night, and I hope in the future, you get that same ill feeling every time your emotional ignorance causes you to miss the fucking point. Maybe then you’d stop acting like such a piece of shit.

So what you’re really saying about Israel is that it’s the rook protecting the king, the United States/West from harm and blame, and the Palestinians are being exploited for the sake of continuing instability in the middle east to ensure western dominance. Or am I misunderstanding something?

America isn’t the king. America is the player. The king is the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, and as the rook, Israel isn’t so much protecting the king as it is left vulnerable to attack while the king uses the rook for shade.

Since you guys seem so interested in exploring this chess metaphor, the opposing king is the Islamic Republic of Iran. The opposing player is either China or Russia, depending on the move. (Although some would say at this point, America is also playing against itself.)

The queen is Iraq, although it could also be Egypt, depending on the game. (Egypt used to be the queen until Sadat was assassinated. After that, diplomatic relations shifted, and Iraq became the queen. Hell, under Nasser, Egypt was the opposing queen.) The opposing queen is currently the Assad regime in Syria, and the opposing castled rook equivalent would be Hezbollah.

Both sides use Palestinians as pawns. America uses the State of Palestine as a pawn, and the opposing side uses Hamas as a pawn. Either way, pawns are meant for sacrificing, and the Palestinian people suffer.

Oh, and the game isn’t about western dominance. The game is about global energy policy. In a word, oil. Everything else is public relations.

I’m confused about why you’d reward someone for referring to Michael Brown as a robbery suspect…?

This question is in reference to my tweets that "I’m gonna go steal a box of cigars today," and "Anyone who refers to Michael Brown as a robbery suspect is gonna get one of my stolen cigars and a fucking lesson in victim blaming."

You’re confused because you fail to understand that this is not a cigar of reward. It is a cigar of shame.

If someone refers to Michael Brown as a robbery suspect instead of a shooting victim, that asshole gets a cigar to prove a point that says, “Here. I stole this cigar. Now you’ve got a stolen cigar. Are either of us any less human? Do the police suddenly have the right to murder us in the streets?”

Whether Michael Brown shoplifted a pack of Swishers from a convenience store is completely fucking irrelevant to the excessive use of force by police, and it’s disgusting that the Ferguson Police Department would try and use some petty teenage misconduct to shift attention away from their murderous violence.

I am not familiar with the idea of a cigar of shame.
You’re obviously too young to remember the Clinton Presidency.

Have you ever dated someone really rich? What’s it like? And don’t get cute with me talking about metaphorical wealth I mean $$$$$$
You realize that when you date someone wealthy, it doesn’t suddenly become your money, right?

How do I get and keep a rich boyfriend?
You’re not hot enough.

I’m having trouble distinguishing the difference between one bad instance and a mark of true character. How do you tell?
Motive.

A guy I just started dating and I had sex for the first time in the middle of the day and he was going down on me while Sam Smith was on and it was the best orgasm ever. Now I can’t stop listening to Sam Smith.
Nice. That’s how I became a fan of alt-J.

Why is everybody like “Robin Williams” and nobody like “Lauren Bacall”? It’s Lauren Bacall, for Christ’s sake!
Lauren Bacall is a legend and a badass, but she hasn’t been culturally relevant for half a century. Plus, she died during the refractory period of our collective grief-gasm for Robin Williams. We didn’t have another one in us quite yet.

Thoughts on D/s relationships? Have you ever been in one, and do you have any advice for someone who’s considering it? I’d appreciate it.
I’ve been in several. It’s not really my thing anymore, nor is it the kind of subject where generic advice is particularly useful, and since I don’t know anything about you, the best I can do is point you to a book called SM 101 and either the Bottoming Book or the Topping Book (or both).

If it is all about oil then would we as a nation be smart to do what Germany is doing and move quickly to 100% renewable energy? Or we might keep our ban on exporting oil and use all the oil we just found in Utah to stay caked in the stuff till we no longer need it. Thoughts?
If we were smart, we wouldn’t just make it about us. We’d spearhead a multinational push for renewable energy. I talk about that more in depth in my post "On Our Ecosystem."

Yes, I am too young to remember the Clinton Presidency. I was still a child when he left office.

Wow. Okay, kid. I guess I have to spell it out for you.

There’s always been a guy in my life who I am completely obsessed with and/or devastated by. It’s the same formula each time: great sex, he’s aloof and emotionally reserved, I agonize over his text messages. I feel like shit during the entire thing, but I crave his attention/validation so much, contact with him is like a high. What is wrong w/ me and how do I fix it?

You just listed what’s wrong with you. Congratulations. You’ve correctly identified your dysfunctional pattern of behavior, and that’s the first step towards fixing it.

The second step is giving it a name. Some folks like to call what you’ve got a “love addiction.” I prefer the term “crush junkie,” because it’s not actual love, nor is it an actual addiction.

The third step is breaking the pattern. This is where things get difficult, because it’s entirely up to you to change your behavior. Stop obsessing over guys. Stop giving them the power to devastate you. Sure, that’s easier said than done, but it’s a lot easier to do when you start recognizing that your boy-crazy bullshit — all the attention seeking behavior and desperate need for validation — it’s all just a substitute for having actual self-respect and self-worth.

Find your own internal source of validation, and let it be independent of any relationship. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s necessary for you to stay emotional healthy, and it will help you to consciously choose not to let yourself get wrapped up in the experience of infatuation.

You can still enjoy the early romantic stages of a relationship, but when you can resist the urge to obsess over a guy because you know in your heart you don’t need his validation, you’ll also find that you won’t feel like shit anymore.

I’m no Mensa material, but I’m smart; not hot, but pretty and fit; well-educated (medicine graduate next year) and open-minded (thanks to traveling, mostly). I am also a yoga teacher and know 4 languages. Now, I’m no ideal and I’m not looking for an ideal man either; neither do I want a copy of myself. I just want somebody equal, a partner. My grandma has recently told me that, with my brains and confidence, I probably scare men away, and I should lower my expectations (and pretend to be less smart and versatile, basically). Is she right? Is it that men I’d consider equal are not interested in women like me because they can, as a rule, “do better”? Thanks.

Listen up, everyone: STOP LISTENING TO DATING ADVICE FROM YOUR GRANDPARENTS. Yes, they love you very much, and you love them too. No doubt they are adorable and wise and they have your best interests at heart, but that doesn’t mean they have the slightest clue what it’s like for those of us trying to find a life partner in this century.

Everything your grandmother told you was wrong. You don’t scare men away. You scare boys away, (and that’s a good thing). If your expectations really are just to find an equal, then they are perfectly reasonable, and you shouldn’t lower them. Don’t pretend to be less smart or versatile. That’s insane. (Sure, playing dumb can come in handy every once in a while, but it’s not something you do with a man you respect.)

A man who is your equal by definition won’t be preoccupied with “doing better” than you. I think you may be in a mindset where you believe there is a certain tier of men that are your equal, that it’s something you can identify based on a list of skills and accomplishments. That’s your real problem. You’re looking for a guy who looks good on paper.

I get that you’re a box checker. It’s obvious that’s your style, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but try not to define your equal by matching up resumes. That kind of dating profile mathematics is an exercise in pure frustration.

Your take on the Ferguson Riots?
You mean the Ferguson Police Action?

Is everything extra fucked recently, or am I just paying more attention?
Yes.

How are we going to make it through this fucking month?
This is nothing.

How do I respond to people that keep saying that Ferguson wasn’t racially motivated and that we “don’t know what really happened?”
Call them racist and watch their heads explode. It’s fun. (Anyone who still thinks the events in Ferguson aren’t racially motivated is in denial about their own latent racism. Go ahead and push their buttons. Fuck with them. They’re assholes, and they deserve it.)

Update more. I need your words injected directly into my veins, please.
I appreciate that, but I’m over here trying to take the whole month of August off. Turns out, I can’t unplug. Not really, and certainly not now when real shit is happening in the world. I’ll be back in a couple weeks. Maybe sooner. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’m only gonna be posting if I can’t help myself.

what can i tell my friend when she says emotions are a form of weakness?
Tell your friend that pain and vulnerability are not the same thing as weakness.

Why do I want him to want me when I’m not even sure if I want him?
You don’t have to want the boy to still want the validation.

How do I quit torturing myself over things I’ve said/whether I’ve offended anyone after every night out? It’s fucking with my zen mode big time.
Oh, fuck off. You don’t have a zen mode, and you torture yourself because you like the way it feels. You’d rather labor under the false impression that you might have offended someone than accept the fact that nobody gives a shit.

How would you define the difference between literary and commercial/genre fiction? I’ve only found either old-fashioned answers or “I’ll know it when I see it” stuff.
There is no difference. Good writing is good writing. The distinction between literature and paraliterature is nothing more than cultural politics at the intersection of art and commerce.

I’m an academic. When a fellow academic says, “Hey, I’d love to talk about your research over coffee”, and when you agree to said coffee, and said coffee is then reconfigured as a dinner that he’s paying for… you’ve just been duped into a date, right?
If you think his intentions are something other than professional, feel free to cancel, but two colleagues discussing research over dinner isn’t a date. It’s business. You haven’t been duped unless he tries to get too personal or makes some kind of romantic overture. If that happens (or if you think it’s going to happen), just put him in his place.

Why do white males always have to make everything about them?
Because everything has always been about them.

I nominate you for the ice bucket challenge.
Go fuck yourself.

How you gonna leave us hanging on VMA night !?
I’m sorry, but I can’t even pretend to give a shit about live tweeting award show nonsense right now.

Do you believe Beyonce is a feminist?
Really? Really?

Recently there’s been fat-positive media popping up and I really think it’s great! The problem is that it’s been provoking conflicting feelings in me with the whole “skinny-shaming” trend, like in Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass.

I get really uncomfortable when it gets to the parts in the song where they talk about skinny bitches, since it’s not portrayed positively at all. I really want to like it, but it just makes me really uneasy.

And that’s the whole point, no? I’m feeling uneasy because, for the first time of my life, I’m being confronted with a privilege I have that is problematic. So how do I get over this self-centered view of the whole thing and embrace the fat-positive results that are taking place thanks to it?

Are you seriously writing to me about your mild emotional discomfort with some piece of shit novelty track that panders to the fat acceptance trend?

Your problem is that you really want to like that painfully awful song? Is this honestly what you just brought to my door? Ugh, you sheltered fucking twit.

Your problem isn’t that you’re privileged. (Though clearly you are.) Your problem is that you’re made entirely of soft candy, and you have objectively horrible taste in the kind of pop culture ephemera you choose to consume.

I’d tell you to go get some real problems, but that would be cruel and pointless, because the worst thing that’s ever happened to you is bad cell phone reception, and you aren’t ready for any kind of advice that couldn’t be communicated with emoji.

For now, please just start listening to better music, and rest assured that the concept of “skinny shaming” belongs in the same pile of imaginary bullshit as cisphobia, misandry, and reverse racism.

I was having a chat with a dear old friend today about the legalisation of drugs. While I am pro-legalisation, he doesn’t believe ANY drugs (even cannabis) should be legalised. His reasons are as follows:

During the 1920s or whatever when alcohol was made illegal, it was so completely illogical that people (read: dodgy gangsters and shit) immediately set up complex systems to smuggle and create it. When alcohol was again legalised, the framework for organised crime was in place; just not any actual crime- and it was through this that both drug and arm smuggling became a much bigger issue. His point is that, when you then legalise cocaine/ heroin/ meth/ pot, the people that make these drugs or smuggle them into the country aren’t going to suddenly turn straight and start being legal drug dealers- they’re going to start shit like arms smuggling and people smuggling, which fucks shit up a whole lot worse than a little bit of mind fuckery.

I was just wondering whether you think this is a legitimate issue with the legalisation of drugs, or just some shielded conservative bullshit to hide his own issues?
Thx bby.
xxx

Wow. You actually write with an Australian accent. I can almost hear this guy mansplaining his dumbfuck anti-legalization argument to you over schooners at the pub. I fucking love that.

Unfortunately, the only thing your dear old friend understands less than criminality is basic fucking economics.

First of all, he’s wrong about his underlying premise. As black markets shift from grey to white, the organizations involved really do turn straight and go legal. It proved true after America’s prohibition experiment, and it’s proving true again as we slowly decriminalize marijuana across the western world. Dodgy gangsters are more than happy to become legitimate businessmen. (As if there’s really much of a difference to begin with.)

Secondly, your friend is confusing the criminal underworld’s various command hierarchies with its supply chain logistics. Black markets aren’t a zero-sum game, and the “framework” for organized crime isn’t a rigid thing. It’s not as though with fewer drugs to smuggle, suddenly there’s more room in the cargo hold for guns and Eastern European women. That’s just not how it works.

Your friend is also forgetting the other side of the criminal equation: An obscene amount of law enforcement resources are wasted on the drug war. If those same resources were suddenly freed up to deal with illicit arms dealers and human traffickers, the world would be a much better place.

I’m sorry, but your friend is completely full of shit. Please tell him I said so. His only valid point is that prohibition is illogical. Whether it’s alcohol or any other kind of drug, prohibition in a supposedly free society is nothing more than a grotesque means of social control, and it’s ultimately doomed to fail.